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I still don’t take meetings. I take tweetings.

November 27th, 2009

 
[ This article was originally published at Digital Biographer on 5th September 2008, and was syndicated to The Next Web on 6th September, 2008 ] © Copyright 2008 Clarocada Ltd. It has been updated a little for November 2009 where marked in green. Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 UK: Scotland License. © Copyright 2009 Clarocada Ltd. 

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot masturbate” - Dave Barry

I don’t do meetings any more. I used to do a lot of meetings. But not any more.

Follow @clarocada on Twitter

Follow @clarocada on Twitter

The change from meeting to tweeting - where a series of brief exchanges (each a maximum of 140 characters) can make up the content - has been brought about by a variety of factors over the past 15 years or so - but here are the ten factors that I think are critical.

  1. IN GOOGLE TIME
    I no longer have a phone book, business directories or yellow pages. Those were essential when I started my first corporation in 1993. But now, I use Google. On my Nokia N86, as I move.  As a result, I have less patience for slow ways of doing things - I am impatient. I demand speed, efficiency, and immediate results.
  2. HOLA FONEROS
    I have a laptop computer and a mobile phone, I can work from a cafe terrace in Banyalbufar just as easily as anywhere else. As a result, I don’t have the need to restrict myself to doing business with those who are within easy reach of where I live or work most of the time.
  3. HOME OFFICE DRESS CODE
    I don’t need to have an office in the city centre to get my work done - I can do it from my home office. As a result, I don’t need to spend time travelling, and so I use that saved time productively. I also find wearing a suit in my own kitchen a bit pointless, so feel there has to be a very good reason to dress up to go somewhere - and my carbon footprint’s lower.
  4. MY ONLINE VISIBILITY
    Whereas I used to have to push information out to people in brochures, newspaper interviews, in meetings, at trade shows, I now have online profiles at LinkedIn, Xing, Facebook, Hyves, Flickr, Friendfeed, MyBloglog etc, and I have blogs and web sites that I can update easily in seconds. As a result, I don’t have to spend so much time introducing myself, and explaining what it is that I, or any of my enterprises provide - people find out about me before they meet me, or get to know me through following my activities online. People can meet me at airports because my photo is online. They can also decide whether they need to waste their time meeting me. People ask me to speak at events without having ever met me or spoken to me.
  5. I HATE COFFEE
    I don’t really like coffee any more. But I still drink it. And I especially never liked paying £3 for a cup of it unless it was refilled all day and came with free wi-fi. As a result, when someone says - let’s have a chat over a coffee, I say “No. Let’s save the time and money, and spend five minutes now working out if we need to meet - and if so, what items on the agenda we can dispense with before we need to have a meeting”.
  6. MEETINGS ARE GETTING SHORTER
    I arranged a meeting in London (yes, I do still sometimes meet people) with guys coming from Amsterdam and from the USA without ever using a phone - and although we’d not met before, we have already shared dozens of pieces of information that made the business of the meeting last about ten minutes - and then we ordered some food and drinks. We then talked about other interesting stuff and new possibilities - not just ‘the business we need to discuss’.
  7. CUT THE CHIT-CHAT
    I can get to know people online by following their updates - or by looking at what they’ve said, or who they’ve been talking with, or who’s been talking about them - and so with this background, a lot of ‘chit-chat’ becomes unnecessary. As a result, I can filter out people, or filter them in. I still enjoy the random, however, - I had two great ideas on the bus this morning, just following my twitter stream and listening to music.
  8. YOU CAN DO THIS TOO
    You are reading this blog. You can send me emails, you can send me stuff without a courier, you can clarify things in Skitch, you can speak on Skype for free, you can send an instant message or a twitter. But you can do this as suits your agenda - and not be dragged into it by another party with an unknown agenda who wants 100% of your attention - NOW.
  9. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU
    I can now have customers who I never meet. That used to be very difficult. But now, I can see people, talk to them in real time, swap messages and files, send them sound files and presentations, have a video-conference with them… whether they are half a world away or live around the corner.
  10. LIFE’S TOO SHORT
    A friend of mine died suddenly this year. David was 42. He did not suffer fools gladly, and could summarise biblical volumes of information in a pithy, witty phrase. But he ran out of time. We all will. Mr Williamson, I’m thinking of you each day when I open my eyes, pull my first waking breath, and smile.
Now, I realise this might make me sound like an anti-social douche-bag, who’d rather spend his time tapping away at his keyboard than having a normal chat face to face.
But if you’ve met me, you’ll know that I’m a very gregarious and friendly guy who’s always introducing people to each other in social situations. However, that’s because I have time to do that - because I have not been wasting time in avoidable meetings.
I asked a friend [@boris] about this issue this morning - here’s what he had to say: -

“I prefer email and tweets and other online communications over telephone and face to face meetings because it allows me to manage my own time. When I’m meeting face to face the other person will automatically assume they have an hour of my time, which seems to be the standard meeting length, and will take all of that time to talk TO me.

In an email I might grasp their concept within 2 minutes and be ready with a reply. Other times I need to think about their message overnight. All of this is impossible in face to face meetings where an immediate reaction and 100% dedication is demanded.”

So if you want to have a meeting with me here’s how to start the conversation:- Let’s tweet.

But what about you - what’s changed the way you handle meetings over the past few years?

Please, don’t tell me you’ve not changed things, or let other people push your time around. Tell me it’s not so. Life’s too short. I’ll be working at http://tweeting.me.uk from next month.

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80 Top Tweets of February 2009

March 9th, 2009

No, this is not scientific - it’s just my opinion. Following on from my popular Top Tweets of 2008 blog, and 50 Top Tweets of January 2009, these are the best Tweets from Twitter that I saw in February 2009. If you think you said something funnier last month, then follow @clarocada, or add the tag #ttom to your best tweets in February.

February was another month of growth in Twitter usage and mainstream reporting - Twitter hit the headlines again with yet another aircraft down - this time at Schiphol airport, near Amsterdam, and Stephen Fry got stuck in a lift and tweeted his way out.

Here are the best Tweets that I found in February. Choosing 50 wasn’t enough to do justice to this month. Enjoy! Retweet this

  1. ???s s? ????ssmartasshat I like my porn stars like I like my White House. No Bush.
  2. ???s s? ????ssmartasshat I like my White House like I like my lesbo porn. No Bush. No Dick.
  3. Nick Claytonnickclayton Turned on British telly. Apparently world is coming to an end. No. It’s snowing in London. Proof third runway needed to boost global warming
  4. Trelvixtrelvix Fair Trade Monday: You don’t offer your seat to the old woman on the train; I don’t tell you about the bird shit on your overcoat. Deal?
  5. hoosiergirlhoosiergirl When you fall ass over elbow on the ice at 28, what hurts most is your pride. When you fall at 38, what hurts most is your ass & your elbow.
  6. Andrew Burnettandrewburnett @realfreshtv A degree in social media?? Pffft. What next dissertations of 140 characters?
  7. Ralph BassfeldRalphBassfeld When you call in sick, don’t tweet that you’re eating in a restaurant and going for a walk. Person fired by @podpimp for this.
  8. homer p. dashingtonhomerdash I woke up and didn’t see my shadow, so I went back to sleep for 6 more hours. Pretty sure that’s doing it right.
  9. Rainy Daypracticalwitch Never look away from the water dispenser while refilling. Not even if the cute delivery guy walks in. Um, especially not just then.
  10. J. Adam MooreDieLaughing If I haven’t been reliving this day over and over, then how do I know that no one will find this obvious Groundhog Day film reference funny?
  11. SweetnoteSweetnote RT:@victorjkennedy A plate of expensive food is just a poo waiting to happen.
  12. Stephen Frystephenfry Ok. This is now mad. I am stuck in a lift on the 26th floor of Centre Point. Hell’s teeth. We could be here for hours. Arse, poo and widdle
  13. Steven Livingstoneweblivz if Strathclyde Police ever create an online Web 2.0 crime website should it be called http://tagrt.com ?
  14. Jason FinchdotSno@Scobleizer Serendipity: when the farm-hand is looking for a needle in a haystack but instead finds the farmer’s daughter :)
  15. S K Jainskashliwal “There is only one difference between DREAM & AIM. DREAM requires soundless sleep to see… Whereas Aim requires sleepless effort to acheive
  16. Craig McGillcraigmcgill RT pls: has no-one realised Latitude lets you set up list of people you don’t like, see location - and avoid them. Antisocial media is here!
  17. lordlikelylordlikely is awake after a night of drunken debauchery. Both my heads are throbbing.
  18. Lee Oddenleeodden Retweeting @unmarketing: Remember, The Five Steps of Twitter Success: Follow, Reply, Retweet, Share, Repeat
  19. David Lawdavelaw00 *shudder* thought I wouldn’t have to hear Blair making a speech again. Next to Obama, he’s cringe worthy http://tinyurl.com/cweqjd
  20. Len KendallLenKendall Converstations, unlike banner ads, don’t get taken down on a certain date. (Take heed my media planner friends).
  21. Alison Gowalisongow Thanks for those mixed messages. I will attempt to read your mind and get back with an answer. I am also booked on a learn-by-osmosis course
  22. Peter Shankmanskydiver Dear person who just pushed past me to get on the plane: all parts of the plane land at the same time. Don’t make me kill you. Love, Peter
  23. Doug HazelmanVMDoug People are tweeting at “The World of Concrete Expo”, clearly things have gone too far: http://tinyurl.com/d39b97
  24. Simon Ellinascartoono RT @sharonhayes: tell me a good joke - please? I had to pay a fine on an overdue library book - about Speed Reading. Absolutely true!
  25. Steve Rubelsteverubel “7 Great Things You Can Do With Gmail Multiple Inboxes” http://ff.im/-Xnjx
  26. Hugh MacLeodgapingvoid “Can’t art be a social object?” Oh, for fuck’s sake…
  27. Vitor Domingosvd “Bandwidth, the petrol of the new global economy”
  28. Mike Davisglobalcitizen The teller at the bank just used the word “necceseriously”. I’m going to write that down in the same list as “supposebly”.
  29. Mike Butchermikebutcher Really looking forward to watching “celebrities” reveal how dull they really are on Twitter. In Twitter Veritas!
  30. Steve Woodruffswoodruff Standard disclaimer: The views expressed in my tweets don’t necessarily reflect the views or opinions of anyone else, including me at times
  31. Hugh MacLeodgapingvoid Off to buy a new handgun… #screwyouwerefromtexas
  32. Simon Ellinascartoono When viewed from a train, other people’s lives seem so right and perfect.
  33. Emma & MarkUK_BusinessLabs Did you know that the left side of the brain controls speech? Well it would say that wouldn’t it?
  34. ? Mike Coultermikecoulter Off to see the EdTwestival human collateral damage at Edinburgh Coffee Morn in Centotre.
  35. twishestwishes [-O] I wish this damn car alarm would either stay on or STFU, but NOT BOTH IN 2MIN INTERVALS…..*sigh*……. http://tinyurl.com/cf3vfx
  36. Allister FrostAllisterF I do worry. This town doesn’t have enough bandwidth for the all of us.
  37. Julie GibbonsPeoplemapsJulie The thing I loved most about @EdTwestival: Connections + Connections = Social… Proper social networking - not biz #EdTwestival
  38. M. Lens-FitzGeraldDutchcowboy screw cancer, lets launch a startup
  39. ViruSoulViruSoul_ One Out of Four People in this Word is Mentally Unbalanced. Think of your 3 Closest Friends, if They Seems OK, Then UR the 1.
  40. BorisborisTwitter tagline: “It is with words as with sunbeams, the more they are condensed, the deeper they burn”
  41. Chris Broganchrisbrogan The good news is that I’m busy as hell. The bad news is, I’m still not saying no effectively and often enough. Deadlines missed everywhere.
  42. GilliganPierceGilliganPierce When Satan found me this job, he placed me in the office THISCLOSE to the loo everyone shits in. Also, pretty certain they all have diarrhea
  43. shel israelshelisrael I just prayed for the Lord to give me my Daily Bread. He told me to go down to La Boulangie & pay retail just like everyone else.
  44. Suzan GraySznq When you’re stealing someone else’s thunder realise 1.You’re an uninspired copycat & 2. It’ll piss them off. 3.Zeus as an enemy sucks.
  45. Justin Fosterbrandmilitia 2 years ago, to help become a better consultant, my cousin @tacanderson injected me with a street drug called “Twitter”.
  46. John TaylorJohn_Taylor What does it mean to come home to love, tenderness, compassion , understanding & great sex? - You’re in the wrong house! :-)
  47. Steve Allensteveswrong (opens reader) Well at least Google stop counting when there is over 1000 items to read. 1000+ looks better than 5 million unread (sinner)
  48. Brendan MacNeillbrendanmacneill If RBS lost £28Bn. who’s the lucky fellow that found it?
  49. Matt EdenfieldCatavarie The worst part about what I’m doing right now is that not only can I not talk about it, but I don’t even know what it is
  50. Sam Curriesjcurrie Right I have now officially turned into my mother “what the helll are they wearing???”
  51. Steven Livingstoneweblivz@ewanspence ha - i just re-used someone’s avatar to support the copyright protest - not sure where the hell i stand now!
  52. Debasis Pradhandebasispradhan Someone please tell those people who say “never in your wildest dreams” that they really underestimate the wildness of my dreams!
  53. Alan Firminafirmin @clarocada is an intelligent man,Digital biographer he must be a fan,4 you don’t become an author of note,Unless many insights u have wrote
  54. Jake Stridejake Just brought some pirate water. For £1.20 it better at least have essence of pirate.
  55. swardleyswardley @ewanspence: Summarise quantitative easing? How about “An economic laxative. Avoid use when you’re already in the toilet.”
  56. Jim Wolffjimwolffman Why Do Some Marketing Materials Use Capitals For Every Fucking Word? Do They Think We Are Stupid.
  57. Steve Reevesfrontofficebox Yesterday we had an article on breakfast TV about life coaches - for Cats. Meanwhile the world’s economy is in the crapper WTF
  58. Derrick Markotterlxcoza Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fullyrefreshed and on time - Viz
  59. John TaylorJohn_Taylor I’m not saying it’s cold this morning, but I saw a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets! :-0
  60. Alison Gowalisongow Someone just used the phrase ‘product roadmap’ in cold blood. Good grief…
  61. Patrickpatrick “Schiphol airport is closed due to a problem with an inbound flight.” I’m in the plane an via Twitter I see there is a crash!
  62. Jason FinchdotSno Honest, interesting and informed report from traditional media on Twitter reporting of #Schiphol plane crash http://bit.ly/B1zHB
  63. JD Lasicajdlasica@jeffjarvis You may want to bone up on some grand Shakespearean tragedies when discussing fate of newspapers .
  64. Jason Tryfonjasontryfon Amsterdam Plane Crash: Further Proof Twitter & Social Media Have Overtaken Traditional Media Sources: http://bit.ly/9nOZN
  65. mariaschneidermariaschneider RT @rskloot WTF?! Amazon charging $ for each blog read on Kindle (incl my blog and many friends’). No $ to bloggers? Hello, copyright issue?

  66. Dave Winerdavewiner I thought at first I’d have to pay to read my own blog, but it’s even worse. They don’t *have* my blog on it. That is soooo damned rude.
  67. Geoff LivingstonGeoffLiving This post is 18 mos old on social media control. Still as prescient as the day I wrote it. http://tinyurl.com/c8afc3
  68. Jonathan Fieldsjonathanfields “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” - Mark Twain
  69. BobAngellangellr What does a Drunken Sailor and the Government have in common? The sailor eventually runs out of $$$ and can’t print more!!!
  70. Jason CalacanisJasonCalacanis @gapingvoid glad to hear you’re off the sauce and cancer sticks… will bring cigars and scotch with me to SXSW! :-)
  71. Ewan McIntoshewanmcintosh Just seen naked woman jump into Water of Leith screaming at her/a guy before running after him in badly fastened trench coat.
  72. Robert ScobleScobleizer The public fight focuses on fact that Twitter has some deep problems that the rest of the world will hit soon (and is already hitting).
  73. Alison Gowalisongow There are 100+ phones in the newsroom yet the only one that rings is on the desk next to mine. I am Rosemary the sodding Telephone Operator
  74. Joe Slaughterjoeslaughter My 6 yo is worried about classmate-she is too perfect. Thinks she may be another lifeform in costume - Maybe stop the science fiction games.
  75. Aubrey SabalaAubs Thinking of swapping my Lenten sacrifice and instead giving up all the half-assed guys in my life. DEFINITELY a fair trade for caffeine.
  76. Stewart Townsendstewarttownsend #fridaynews off to get some quality virgin train food, oh the excitement is so much, I may implode on myself
  77. Gary ArndtEverywhereTrip Oh man this is going to suck. I’m stuck in no bandwidth-ville and am going to have to do major surgery on my website
  78. Nova Spivacknovaspivack Twine will be available shortly. It is becoming sentient right now :)
  79. Kevin McIntoshKevin_McIntosh_ Has a bank ever bailed you out of a jam?
  80. Avi JosephAvinio RT @tojulius: hey event people, twitter is not gonna change your business, you need to change it first then twitter will help a lot

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50 Top Tweets of January 2009

February 2nd, 2009

No, this is not scientific - it’s just my opinion. Following on from my popular Top Tweets of 2008 blog, these are the best Tweets from Twitter that I saw in January 2009. If you think you said something funnier last month, then follow @clarocada, or add the tag #tt to your best tweets in February.

January was a pretty big month - a month that saw Twitter hit the big time with that now iconic image of an Airbus in the Hudson River, Stephen Fry and Jonathon Ross talking about Twitter on prime-time chat show, and Twitter’s infrastructure holding up on January 20th with the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States.

Here are the best Tweets that I found in January. Enjoy! Retweet this

  1. gapingvoid @Sznq Oh No! The hippies have already taken over Web 2.0! Fuck it. I’m leaving. Good-bye.
  2. frontofficebox And the latest news from UK banking sector is RBS loses £400 mill invested with Madorff - what a bunch if jerks no wonder charges are high
  3. GeoffLiving I am convinced. Having a lot of Twiiter followers means a) you are immensely popular/influential or b) you spend lots of time on Twitter.
  4. GilliganPierce Damn. My porn won’t download. How am I supposed to show all my friends what he looks like naked if the pictures don’t come through?
  5. KnightDiver you’ve got to just love those 4:55pm client calls on a FRIDAY afternoon… I know I do.
  6. davidjhinson G-d. Please, not another life coach. I’ve been married 23 years. I don’t need another coach in my life, thanks anyway.
  7. alisongow Thinking dark thoughts about the delivery man whose non-appearance has sentenced me to freezing showers til Monday. Grrrrrrrrrrrr
  8. LenKendall Sounds like transformers are having sex in my back alley. (garbage truck is slamming the dumpsters repeatedly)
  9. jake ok who wants @officedog - he just ate my muffin whilst I plugged my laptop in
  10. BankOfApathy One moment while I access your account. Your available balance is…NOTHING YOU BROKE ASS VICTIM OF THE ECONOMY.
  11. patphelan £4.35 for a coffee and he hangs around for a tip
  12. arikhanson @skydiver and @chrisbrogan working together? That’s like Superman and Jesus joining forces to save the world. http://twitpic.com/11pgv
  13. weblivz i feel embarrassed for written language worldwide when i read my mums text messages. It’s like shorthand for minimalists.
  14. huddlesuz Our local hairdresser is offering 20% off. Bad times, people, bad times with good hair.
  15. shelisrael @jowyang Nice to see you back in the stream. I missed you. Let’s argue about something.
  16. leeodden Internet marketing superstar wannabes. Just because you have an opinion and a way to distribute that opinion doesn’t mean you’re right.
  17. boris Twitter is like a sauna: we are all in the same space, we show everything, but are not really looking at each other.
  18. boris Of course some people are taking in every detail in this particular sauna and some people are really worth staring at. :-)
  19. BenRosenzweig I just kneeld down do get dish soap from under the sink. And split my pants… Lesson learned. “Don’t do the dishes”
  20. frontofficebox Main stream media is killing itself, by just trotting out the rubbish fed it by politicians and PR - and we’re not listening
  21. ruskin147 twice in 24 hours my first news of a story has come via twitter - Jobs yesterday, plane today
  22. CherylHarrison At the Apple store. Typing this on the computer that’s about to make me poor.
  23. SaraD RT @dwiskus In the event of a water landing, feel free to stand around on the wing while people post pictures of you to Twitter.
  24. weblivz there’s now an oriental guy cleaning our curtains with a hoover. All all the sentences i thought i’d ever tweet that wasn’t high on the list
  25. Scobleizer Oh, oh, I crashed offbeatguides.com — which is OK, my interview with founder is in 45 minutes. Now we have something to talk about! ;-)
  26. skydiver For future ref: Delta doesn’t find it terribly amusing when you ask if they can make a stopover on 57th and the Hudson b4 heading to LGA. :)
  27. scottishlass is realising none of the available editing software has a screaming wean filter. Woah those peaks are like the Himalayas.
  28. johnfenzel Don’t worry if you’re a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
  29. davidleeking this morning, i was a cereal killer
  30. macwriter As a copywriter, I like to say that I’ve in essence been microblogging for close to 20 years. Just for other people’s brands.
  31. globalcitizen Dear cab driver, please unlock the child proof window controls so that I don’t have to suffocate on the smell of your fart. *puke*
  32. skydiver Email of the day: “Peter, I’m interviewing media-savvy women for a women-interview-only blog and would like to interview you.” WTF?
  33. xemion RT @imwithsully: Ad Agency site checklist. Flash. Hokey staff pics. Ambiguous navigation. No benefits, call to action or blog
  34. ianrmcallister BBC Coverage looks amateurish, and I refuse to watch SkyNews because they can’t do news - switched to CNN
  35. HeatherPaulsons Unfortunately I will have to explain to my son that his missing hamster now has molted into two dwarf hamsters.. All they had
  36. patrick My mom asked my what I’d like to have for my 30th birthday, I replied: “I’d love to have one thousand followers”. It’s official, I’m a nerd
  37. Wossy @tumour Morrisey is on in about 3 weeks. Coming round to dinner again as well !! Just off to hide the bacon.
  38. themarketingguy I love my family, but they drank all my beer.
  39. SimpleEnglish Oh no! I ‘ve been asked to write something longer than 140 characters. I don’t know if I can handle it.
  40. chacha102 I find it an honor that people take the time to unfollow me.
  41. davewiner If “favorites” were everything it needs to be then “RT” wouldn’t be necessary.
  42. bryanthatcher searching thru my stack of paper mail looking for something, I need google for my physical desktop.
  43. bnox News of the day http://tinyurl.com/bcj3vc Marijuana could prevent - wait… I lost it. Hang on.
  44. themarketingguy Please do not let the first thing I see on your website be a pop-up sign up window. I don’t even know you yet.
  45. lyndoman Creativity comes best when you are challenged, you absolutely need someone to question, “what the hell are you talking about?”
  46. Aubs I can’t believe it’s been FOUR years, but @lilabelle turns 4 today. How is she celebrating? She just scared herself & woke up by farting.
  47. dalecruse Overheard: “Is Jim Morrison the Muppets guy?? I’m google-ing now…” *sigh*
  48. chrisheuer RT @melissapierece When my 4yr old tells me “I was trying something new with my pee in the living room” I know it’s not a good thing. :(
  49. edial This will be the era of Yahoo! baby, we are so BACK!
  50. edial Shit. I expected riots on streets tonight, and now Google fixed it. Lame.

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